I read an article today about a young woman named Zina Nicole Lahr who was an artist and was only 23, at one of the best times in her life. Sadly, she was tragically taken from this world recently. She had an amazing spirit, a zest for life and everything in it, and was a remarkable talent as well. She made things. Everything. She claimed to have a self-diagnosed disorder called CCD, or Creative Compulsive Disorder, in which she felt an incessant need to create things. She made a lot of things.
I never knew her. Never met her. Never new she existed until someone posted on my facebook page about her. Still, I couldn't help but feel saddened by the loss of this beautiful soul at such a young age. I thought it unfair that someone so young, so talented, so creative, was taken from this world while so many heartless, cruel, and undeserving souls remain behind. Sad... how that works.
But all that I read about her, all that was published online, the articles, the videos, her artwork... her accident. Nothing struck me as being so tragic as when I left a message in condolence for her to show my respects on one of her blogs. I posted anonymously. Nothing wordy or poetic. Simply saying goodbye to a sweet soul I never knew. But after I pressed the Enter key to forever lock my message into digital cyberspace, I noticed something that struck me as being the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. Above my post was a little message that read; "Your comment is awaiting moderation."
Your comment is awaiting moderation... Apparently she set her blog messages so that she could approve them before posting. She wanted to interact with every person that posted there and make the decision to either post it or not. She wanted to interact with people she didn't even know whether they be there to admire her work or be the usual internet troll. It didn't matter to her, she wanted to see it, to read it, to be part of it. She wanted to connect with people from all over. She was a good soul.
Your comment is awaiting moderation. When I saw that I thought how sad it was that that message would never be moderated. It will forever hang in cyberspace, unread. It will go on for eternity, or until the server that her blog is on is shut down, but it will never be moderated. It's like shouting into a wide, empty space with no one else around. The falling of a tree in the woods when no one is there to hear it. Like space, where no one can hear you... well, you know.
Sad, I thought. So much so that it brought that heavy feeling to the center of my chest, a swelling in my sinuses behind my eyes, and then I felt a cold, lonely tear run down my cheek. I didn't even know this person and I felt as if I had lost my best friend. Even as I write this I'm fighting back tears. Just the thought of those words forever going unread. For you creationists, it's like if God made the Earth, so beautiful and amazing, and then never populated it with beings to enjoy it.
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Before the Internet we all lived our happy, little lives, same as we do now. But when things happened, they happened and then they were slowly forgotten. Memories that faded over time as we grew older and were replaced with newer ones. Now, in this digital age, things can live on forever. Her facebook page shows her final post just six days before her death. She posted about her grandmother, whom she loved very deeply. Her blog told the story of her life in her small Colorado town and the losses of friends and family she suffered during. Her life, her loves, her art, her spirit... these things will live on forever in cyberspace. But so will that one little message that nearly brought this man to tears.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Zina Nicole Lahr - February 13, 1990 - November 20, 2013
